Did somebody say issues...

July 27, 2009 blog (thought I'd share from my website)

(AT WORK)
I DON?T THINK MY MOM READS THIS SITE SO I FEEL OK BLOGGING ABOUT THIS. I AM MOSTLY POSITIVE THAT SHE KNOWS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS ANYWAY.
SHE KILLS ME! MY MOM FRUSTRATES ME BEYOND NO MEANS WHEN IT COMES TO HER BEING SICK. FIRST OF ALL FOR FOLKS WHO DON?T KNOW MY FAM, SHE HAS A TON OF HEALTH ISSUES, TYPE II DIABETES THAT SHE HAS PROVEN CAN BE TAKEN CARE OF W/ DIET BUT SHE REFUSES TO. ALSO, ASTHMA AND SHE SMOKES LIKE A TRAIN, AND HIGH CHOLESTEROL BUT SHE EATS JUNK. I WILL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT IT IS EASY TO EAT WHATEVER AND NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR BODY. AND THE MOST UNHEALTHY FOODS COOKED W/ A STICK OF BUTTER TASTE OUT OF THIS WORLD FABULOUS BUT I KNOW THE HARM IT CAUSES LONG TERM. SO SINCE I?VE GOTTEN ?HEALTHIER? I THINK SHE FEELS PRESSURE. I?VE TOLD HER I?D LOVE HER TO DO STUFF W/ ME AND MAYBE I COULD BE THAT EXTRA SUPPORT AND MOTIVATION SHE NEEDS. I KNOW HOW SHE WORKS, I GET HER BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE. SHE ALMOST QUIT SMOKING W/ME BACK IN FEBRURARY,BUT SHE SAID FINANCIAL STRESS WAS JUST TOO MUCH FOR HER AT THE TIME TO TRY. SHE TOOK CHANTIX 2X BEFORE AND CUT DOWN TO ½ A PACK A DAY BUT THEN QUITS IT AND GOES BACK UP TO 2 PACK A DAY.
MY CONTINUAL FRUSTRATION W/ HER IS B/C I AM SOOOO CLOSE TO HER, SHE?S ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND I CANNOT IMAGINE MY LIFE W/O MY MOM. I CANNOT IMAGINE MY FUTURE (IF EVER) WEDDING W/O MY MOM. WE ARE BFF?S TO END BUT STILL HAVE THE MOTHER/DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP W/ LIMITS AND BOUNDARIES. AND I WILL MISS HER BEYOND MEASURE WHEN SHE IS GONE. I WOULD JUST LIKE HER TO DO WHAT SHE CAN NOWWWW TO PROLONG HER LIFE SO ME AND HER GRANDBABIES HAVE HER AROUND LONGER. IT?S IN HER CONTROL. SHE MAY NOT THINK SO BUT I BELIEVE SO. I KNOW HOW PROFOUND AND POWERFUL OUR THOUGHTS AND MIND CAN BE. I KNOW SHE CAN DO THIS. SHE IS A VERY STRONG, INDEPENDENT, AND POWERFUL WOMAN BUT WHEN IT COMES TO HER HEALTH SHE DOESN?T FEEL LIKE SHE IS. WHAT I WISH MYM OM COULD DO IS GIVE UP THE COKE?S AND QUIT SMOKING THIS YEAR. IF SHE DID THAT ALONE, HALF OF HER HEALTH PROBLEMS WOULD BE GONE. HER ASTHMA WOULD SUBSIDE, SHE COULD BE MORE ACTIVE, SHE COULD GET OFF ALMOST ALL DIABETES MEDS, AND PROBABLY ALSO OFF THE CHOLESTEROL MED (B/C ONE OF THE DIABETES MEDS CAUSES THE HIGH CHOLESTEROL). SO IN AFFECT, HER LIFE COULD BE LIKE 50% BETTER BY CUTTING OUT THESE TWO MAJOR THINGS. I?VE TALKED TO HER ABOUT IT AND SHE SAYS SHE WANTS TO BUT DOESN?T THINK SHE CAN. AND WHEN SHE?S IN A SUPER BAD MOOD, SHE SWEARS IT?S IMPOSSIBLE B/C SHE?S TRIED BEFORE. I KNOW THROUGH LOGIC AND SELF EXPERIENCE THAT YOUC AN QUIT ANYTHING AS LONG AS YOU PLAN FOR IT AND STEP DOWN APPROPRIATELY. WITH SMOKING THOUGH YOU DO NEED SOMETHING THAT MOTIVATES YOU TO QUIT AND STAY QUIT. I QUIT FOR MY SURGERY. I TOLD MYSELF I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN BEINGA SMOKER OR HAVING SURGERY AND BEING THE HEALTHIER ME FOR THE REST OF MY LFIE. I FELT LIKE SMOKING DEFINED WHO I WAS. AND IKNOW SHE FEELS THAT WAY TOO. AND IT DOES DEFINE US. BUT WHEN WE ARE ABLE TO QUIT, WHEN HAVE THE ABILITY TO SEE CLEARLY TO THE PERSON WE WANT TO BE. THE BETTER PERSON, WHO IS STRONGER ,MORE CONFIDENT, AND CLEAR HEADED. I WILL HELP HER W/ ANYTHING SHE NEEDS HELP WITH, I?LL WALK W/ HER IN THE EVENINGS EVEN IF ITS? 115 DEGREES. I?LL DO WHATEVERI NEED TO TO BE HER SUPPORT SYSTEM, BUT I AM FED UP W/ HER BEING SICK ALL THE TIME.
I AM TIRED OF BEING MADE TO FEEL GUILTY IF I DON?T GROVEL AT HER FEET WHEN SHE?S ILL, HER BLOOD SUGARS HIGH, OR HER ASTHMA IS OUT OF CONTROL. OUR THE 15 LUNG INFECTIONS SHE GETS IN A YEAR, OR THE 10 SINUS INFECTIONS SHE GETS CONSTANTLY. SHE?S ON ANTIBIOTICS 3 WKS OUT OF A MTH. SHE SHOULD BE FED UP, I?M FED UP!!!
SHE KN OWS WHEN SHE?S REALLY DOWN AND REALLYLOW I WILL BE THERE. I WILL MAKE HER HOMEMADE POTATOE SOUP LIKE MY NANNY DID B/C I KNOW IT?S NECESSARY. BUT WHEN YOU TELL SOMEONE DAY AFTER DAY, EVERY SINGLE SINGLE SINGLE DAYYYYYYY, THAT YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT, I AM GOING TO RUN OUT OF SYMPATHY. I ONLY HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE. I AM A SINGLE MOM, MY EMOTIONS AND ENERGY NEED TO GO TO THEM AS WELL. AND I AM BEYOND TIRED OF SAYING ?SORRY BOYS, YOU CAN?T GO SEE NANA TODAY B/C SHE?S SICK AGAIN.? AND THEN I, MEEEE, I GET TO BE THE ONE TO HAR THEM CRY FOR 20 MINUTES B/C ?WHY DOES NANA HAVE TO BE SICK ALL THE TIME.? SHE DOESN?T GET THAT!!!
WELL I GUESS I AM DONE RANTING, AND I AM NOT GOING TO BACK AND FIX ALL THE GRAMMAR ERRORS B/C I TYPED AT 80 WPM, I?M JUST DONE W/ THIS BLOG! I?M WARN OUT!!!
XOXO,
LIZ