MaJoR NSV...AND...accountability!

I got hit with a huge reminder today in Draz's Post .Let me touch on that in a sec. First, I want to share a few pics of where I'm at the last month and now!

I'm aware that I am no model. And I don't wear bikini's around people much. Only if I'm sunning or swimming alone. But I thought....this didn't look half bad. Considering.

My legendary side booty shots! 

This was JANUARY's legendary side butt shot....

Booti-licous!

When I look at this pic...I like what I see. Greatly. Enough so, I'm afraid it has caused me to lose motivation to get to goal b/c...I'm sorry...but I think I'm fuckin hot. My boobs look great, arms not too bad, stomach flattISH, lower stomach still deflating, thighs rockin', and hour glass shape! I have sooooo much to be thankful for! And this picture sends it all home for  me, I love my body now!

Think I'm finally looking like an athlete...maybe even a runner. Just more to lose to perfect the imagine of pure athleticism! 

I have not really been doing bicep workouts so this is mostly, just natural. I'm guessing some fat is melting away b/c I haven't been building the muscle much. But I was shocked by the bit of definition I saw in this pic!

NOW for my HUGE announcement! I had a major NSV!!!

This was me in May at Wally's just trying on a size 14. I can't remember the brand, I just grabbed one. Because I had been a 16-18 in a few different brands. So I wanted a motivational pic of how far I had to go to get to 14s. So here's THAT motivational pic. I was not surprised when they didn't fit. In fact, going in the store I did not expect them to fit over my thigh...And don't ask me why my stomach looks so bloated in that pic....it's weird.

So present day...I was going through my WEIGHT LOSS FOLDER PICTURES and came across that above picture Friday afternoon. I decided I needed to go back and try those on, it's been 4ish months now and I haven't had huge results (my fault) but I do FEEL smaller and I've continued running, just not as often as need be. AND I am sooooo frustrated that NONE of my jeans fit me! Going on all these date and outings with Lloyd I need freakin jeans to wear. A few times a week I see him real casually, just hanging out at his house. And I'll wear my bermuda shorts and racerback tanks. BUT when we go out I NEED to be in jeans and SEXY! (Ya know, so that every man stares and makes Lloyd a tiny bit jealous then the sex is better later, lol) So... I do not have the money for jeans now. So I went to just try on THOSE jeans, see if I met the goal...and knew I'd buy later when I have the extra $$.

So my current (too big) jeans wardrobe consists of 5 pair of jeans from Old Navy that are 18s and 4 pair of random jeans size 16. All too big. So in this pic below is a pair of the old navy 18s and they KINDA fit BUT the stride is too long, waist too big, butt baggy after an hour, and legs baggy after an hour! This pic was fresh on so they kinda look like they fit, but they do not fit my Queen of Tightness standards.

THE 14'S FIT!!!!!!!!!! (In 3 different styles and fits) SO I'M OFFICIALLY A SIZE 14 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so happy I got pose and camera happy! Hehe! Would you expect anything less of me?

Yogi pose! (And yes, I do almost always have in my red head phones...always jammin' music! I AM a music freak! People underestimate the severity of it....unless they know me really well! I did not get a music tat on my foot [2nd most painful location] just for fun! I did it to display my undying love for all genre's of music! My love!)

STILL can't get over how small my ass looks. Just....can't fathom....it's shrinking!!! It's like I expected to lose weight and keep a HUGE ass. But alas, lovelies...it is shrinking as well! Yippee!

I was dancing and booty poppin' in the mirror and really wanted to record a video to show you guys but my phone was dying, so the next best was for me to FREEZE IT and take a PIC of me booty poppin'! Just imagine! I was very enthuuuuuuuuuuuuuuused!

Ok so...now to seriousness! wah wah!

I have been at 207-210 FOREVER! Probably like 2 mths. And before that I sat at 215 for a few mths. I haven't had a fill since May because I can't afford it. I've lost most restriction. Only time I notice having a band is during TOTM or when I was under a lot of stress with Konnor in the hospital last week...I threw up twice at the hospital on bacon....go figure. So, normally, not very much restriction. I know I need to search within myself and find the reason WHY I am doing this to myself. I think the biggest thing for me, is that I'm happy. Being almost 300 lbs I was beyond miserable. But I told myself that when I got down to 230 I'd be kinda comfortable b/c I sat at that weight for a few years previously (on my way up). So I did stick at 230 for a month but then I got re-motivated by training for a half marathon. That worked! Half marathon ACCOMPLISHED...then I lost motivation. It was like I had no goal to work towards, in reality I do b/c that goal is 175. My next small goal is 195. I am only 10-15 lbs from that small goal so it shouldn't seem too big of a deal or too stressful. But still...it is. So when I was sitting at 215 with no motivation, I was actually working out pretty regularly, just not eating well. I consulted a fellow band buddy who's lost a ton of weight on how to get my eating in line and be more strict w/ the band rules. She helped me a lot! Her advice was killer. My motivation....not so much. But it did help me to pay attention to what I'm eating even if my resistance is not on par. So THEN I got down to 208. Bounced back up to 210. Quit working out for a month or so due to a move and I was away from my gym and a ton of move stress.

Finally, I told myself being at 210 again, that I needed to exercise at home, if anything, and beat that damn 208 I had hovered at. I told myself if I got past 208 (which had been impossible over the summer) then I'd be making progress again. I began running outside here at my new place like 3x a week and got down to 207. That was an exciting moment! Lowest low so far in this process. BUT that only held steady a few weeks of running and eating crappy. 

It seems as though my problem is I can only "Eat healthy and not exercise" or "Exercise and eat shitty". It's stupid. I wish I could get my brain to "Eat healthy and Exercise" but this just seems to be a struggle for me. I would say there's nothing wrong with exercising and eating crappy b/c you are being active, working your body, burning fat, etc. But the problem is, you will not see the physical results you want as long as you are maintaining or adding to your fat cells. you just won't! My trainer said you can run every day but if you eat too much pasta, your abs will STILL be covered by fat b/c you are adding or maintaining those fat stores. So I do understand this concept. I understand what I need to do. I'm just trying to figure out how to get there.

Taking anatomy this term at school has been so exciting! I've learned a lot about inside our bodies and FOR ME, that helps me. When I realize what something does or does not do for the INSIDE of my body...to make it function or go against it...it helps me to not do it or to do the right thing. So that has been really cool...but yet, Liz is cozy at 210 YET AGAIN b/c I just hit that NSV goal of being a size 14. 

I texted the pics of me in the jeans to a ton of my support system and my Aunt responded by saying "You shouldn't be surprised, you have worked your ass off for this." and I was going to just say the typical "thank u" but I thought about it. And I said "NO, actually I haven't worked my ass off. Some women lose 140 lbs in a year and maybe that's unrealistic for me. But I have half-assed my way through this entire process." and my mom adds "yeah maybe, but you've lost a lot of weight and you should be proud of that. YES, you could've lost it quicker and be smaller by now, but at least this way you know you've lost it and you're less likely to put it back on b/c you are losing it slowly." Point taken. But yet the truth remains, I have HALF-ASSED MY WAY THROUGH THIS! New bandsters, please do not follow in my foot steps. I say that with all sincerity. I know I do some things right and I have unmatched optimism and jovial moods and moments. BUT, I fail. I think it's time I do beat myself up (I"m kickin' my own Asssss.....Jim Carey anyone? lol!) and be held ACCOUNTABLE DAMN IT! I've got this. Me. No one else. I am in control of my success or my demise, whichever it may be! I have been a bad blogger. And I do believe my success and daily reminder of what's RIGHT, is directly linked to logging on here daily and keeping up with all you guys. All your joys and struggles reminds me constantly....this is what I should be doing. Some days, a lot of days....I forget i"m banded. I eat like a fool. I feel healthy, athletic, I brag about my accomplishments...all the while, forgetting I'm even banded. It's ridiculous! 

So I vow to try to log on here daily. It is hard for me because as much as I love you guys, blog land is a time suck! Being that....like facebook....u get on and you just can't get off. There are SOOO many wonderful posts to read, pictures to see, people to keep up with. And while I am doing this I must admit, so many of you I have lost touch with. I do feel awful. Some of you I can now keep up with on Facebook and that is much easier for me that we can meld our daily lives and I can send you a note or a post from my cell phone! Easy is greatness! But there are some people on here I got very close to over a year ago, when I first began this. And I haven't even read their blog or checked on them in MONTHS! I feel awful! I let my world consume me. My writing job, school, new boyfriend, my kids, my home life, my exercise (when I do it)....and you guys are left on the back burner. I know that how people act shows how they feel about you. And I'm sure some of you guys think "Liz is such a slacker. She let me down and wasn't there for me (in email) when she told me she would be. She just vanishes." Maybe I dramatize, maybe nobody needs me. But a few people have come to me for advice off of blog land...and YES I do respond, but I lack follow through.

I just need to find a WAY, damn it to all hell, there must be a way to blend it all together. Blend healthy eating with exercise, blend my world with blog world daily, blend my progress with all of ya'lls and keep in contact better. :( I resolve to try better. I resolve to be a better me!!!

xoxo,

Lizzle