Medication Update

Just to give a quick update on the whole ADHD, Bipolar jazz.

My MD put me on Ritalin for ADHD to see how I would respond. She said if I was bipolar that I would have a bit of a reaction. A person with bipolar disorder taking a stimulant could cause; anger, irritability, mood swings, etc.  She since she could diagnose me for certain with one or the other (because she said bipolar does have some attention deficient qualities) she put me on the Ritalin to see how it'd go.

And I'm happy to report IT'S BEEN GREAT! I was scarred as f**k taking a medication I knew "could" make me "crazy". I relied on all my closest family and friends to talk me through it emotionally and I knew that it'd be an answer for me, sort of.

It's almost a world of difference. My brain seems to feel as though it functions differently. It'd odd to describe how my thought process and decision making process is soooooo different, but it is. I was really bad ADHD. I had "circling thoughts" going 100 mph 24/7. It was affecting my sleep. Even if I slept through the night I slept restlessly and always felt tired. I was abusing caffeine, to get that calm affect, ie...a stimulant. After I was honest with her about how much caffeine I got in a day through supplements and energy drinks, she concluded I got 750-1000mg of caffeine a day!!!!!! The recommended daily dose is 250mg or LESS. She said I was "self medicating" because the caffeine calmed my brain down, as the Ritalin would/does.

So it's been great. I've noticed two huge differences:

1. At work: I am focused and on task ALL DAY LONG and the day flies by. When I have to multi-task 10 things at once, I'm not as frazzled, I just stay organized, focus on 1 at a time and get 'em all done. My boss has complimented on me almost daily. She said she never expected me to be so amazing, efficient, and QUICK! Yay! Gotta love kudos from the boss woman!!!

2. Emotionally: I didn't realize until after the medication that I was very much an IMPULSIVE EMOTIONAL person. To be clear, I was even mood the majority of the time (except with PMS) but in a moment that I did feel a strong, negative emotion it'd take over my mind, body, moment. It was all encompassing. If I was working I felt I HAD to leave my desk and go outside to get up, get away, escape, something. My emotions were just so STRONG. And now they aren't. I mean, I started the Ritalin after I broke up with Lloyd, but the break up was easy because it was nice and friendly. But a few days after I did miss him and was feeling remorseful and sad. The mourning process of the "death" of the relationship had begun. So I did have a lot of emotions those first few days, but not like "emotional". I didn't cry, I didn't feel SO emotional that I was compelled to write or journal. I was just....me.

3. Food: OMG yay! I oddly...have noticed looking back over the last week, that I have NOT been impulsive with food. I didn't realize I really was but I WAS getting bad again, almost pre-band behavior. My band has been really tight but I had been slowly gaining weight because I'd eat too much; chips, pasta, rice, cereal (stuff I knew I could get through the band no matter what). So I'm now on Day 6 of being on Ritalin and I've LOST 6 POUNDS!!!!! It's amazing! Oh and I did start doing Taebo at home every other day, so that helped too!

I'm feelin' like I'm on a roll here. It's a wonderful thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm finally in a good place mentally. I cut the ties on a relationship that, yes I enjoyed, but truly was holding me back. I mourned that and now really feel at peace with the end of the relationship (all communication has stopped and that's a good thing). I'm doing great at work and they love me. My kids are doing GREAT in school and my relationship with my mother is not as awful as it was. I start weekly therapy this Friday and I'm really excited (strangely) to dive into the issues of my childhood and the issues I have with men. I want to healthi-fy myself for my next relationship. And if I've gotta fight and cry through some issues to get there, I will.

Yay!

So for specifics on weight (because I haven't updated that thingy on the right lately) I sat around 211 for months. From May 2010 to about Jan 2011, I was at that weight. I got up to 218 and sat there a few months. In March alone, I went from 218 to 229! :( I was sad, can you tell. I honestly have been calling that the "bummed out 15" because I was CONSTANTLY riddled with worry over what to do about my relationship with Lloyd that I ATE all those emotions! :( As the sadness subsides and the pounds fall off, I feel positively certain I am on the right path again!!! Joy be the day!!!

For fun...here's a pic!

Me @ work on Casual day wearin' my half marathon tee chillin' and bein' groovy! lol! In all reality I was probably listening to Talk Radio/Politics, ha! 

Are you guys aware I'm a Politics junkie? I by no means am as smart or as informed as Grace, but I love to follow it. I feel the need to stay informed and there are so many things about the Government that I cannot wrap my head around...but I like listening to all the news, debates, and talking. Like, omg, this new abortion law they are trying to pass in Az, ugh! Sad day! It sucks!

P.S. The job is great. In case I hadn't said, it's my first non-pharmacy job in 6 years. It's for Qwest and I'm an "Administrative Assistant" to a Civil Engineer and she is the bomb! She actually does 5 different jobs and is WAY over worked and so that's why I'm there. She's trained me on only 4 functions so far (out of probably 10), and she says I'm stellar at it and helping her a ton! Yay! However :( She's had me doing Accounting the last 3 days and that blows...but it's not the end of the world. I'm learning a ton and even if this "contract job" doesn't last long, I'm learning things that will benefit me in another Administrative job. Yippee!

xoxo,

Lizzle