New Adventures & Old Feelings!?!

So I mentioned on my questionaire (??) that I took a half day off work last week and went hiking with Daniel, or possibly rock climbing. I don't really know the difference. This was not a leasurely stroll up a mountain, we climbed rocks. So whatever that is technically. This is a picture of it from at the picnic tables, maybe only 1/3 of it. Those trees are like 10 ft. tall.

The view, half way up!

Me half way up. Feelin' tired but lookin good in those jeans (w/o spanx) if I do say so myself!

Almost to the top, I was so proud! Still AM!

My "superwoman" pose! I conquered it, wanted to show how far down behind me.

This is me sitting 2 ft from the top where Daniel was standing when he took my picture. You can kinda see all the way down.

Speaking of new adventures.... My 1/2 marathon in New Orleans is coming in 3 short weeks! I am beginning to freak out! I do feel like almost anything is possible when you believe in yourself, but I'd still like to shoot for running the majority of it and I don't know what my body is capable of accomplishing in the next 3 weeks!

So here are a few pictures from New Orleans. I lived there for a year or so in 2005, right after Hurricane Katrina. I love the town! I'm so excited to go sightseeing the day after the race since they've restored so much of old downtown.

It is a beautiful, cultural, musical, magificent place with wonderful, open, caring people! There really is nothing else like it!!! BTW, Go Saints, they just won the Superbowl as I'm writting this now! Haha! Woo hoo, who dat!!!

OLD FEELINGS!

Let me start by saying after my last fill, I have had pretty damn good restriction. Enough so, when I eat food that is of the right consistency I could only eat as much as I should be eating, based on "the rules". So to me this is the "sweet spot". I would be excited and posting it all over (although I oddly haven't posted in like 6 whole days) buttttt I'm struggling.

So first my struggle began when I realized how good my restriction really was, it seemed to have gotten stronger after the initial fill. First it was just in the mornings. I'd get not even half my food down, and GET STUCK. (Still have yet to PB) I'd take a sip of something, deep breath, relax, and it'd pass quickly. Then what do I do? Stupid me would finish my food, knowing my "sip" had pushed it all through and -------> (insert stupid Liz voice) "heyyyyy, there's room for more in my pouchy". AFTER I say to myself, "WHAT THE FUCK!!!" This is me, SABOTAGING! I let it slide (pun intended) with myself, the first time OR TWO. Then I started thinking to myself, "self, how often do I actually do this? How often do I allow and give myself permission to cheat? What would be motivating this? Why am I allowing myself to betray myself knowing what it took physically and mentally to get here?" I have yet to find the true answer. But yet, know my buddies, I am constantly thinking about it. HOWEVER, my biggest problem, is that I've caught myself doing it 1-2 times a day. It started out as drinking to "fix" a stuck situation, then drinking to "avoid" a stuck situation and NOW, drinking to "allow" me to stuff myself!  (oh and pardon my language above, I just glanced up and noticed how BIG the f*** is, haha! But I must leave it, explains how pissed I am w/ myself). If there are any newbies on here, Please do not do as I do. I am still learning, I think most of us are. None of us are perfect! I've just slid (oops, pun again) back into this old emotional eating I think and I CANNOT figure out what it motivating it. Maybe b/c i"m so busy, I feel so out of control. More than likely thats the closest I've come to an answer b/c "controL" is what motivates MOST of my poor eating decisions. Ugh! I will figure it out. And know that when I do...I will fix it!

See my biggest thing is, my portion control is the 1 thing I have going for me. I do not always choose the healthiest foods, so to me, I'm ok w/ that as long as it's within reason. When I'm eating a ton of pasta, no longer within reason, then what's the point. I don't get it. I'd say this has probably been going on the last month or so. I've lost ok in that last month, b/c I've added exercise. But I know it could all be so much better. I think my half-marathon goal weight is 220 and I'm at 231 now. I was 229 for a few days and bounced up to 231 and have stayed there. So is 11 lbs in 3 wks rational? I'd say yes if I worked out and ran as much as I should be for this, ever so quickly approaching, half marathon. I'm still going to keep that huge goal and hope to myself it happens.

A bit of good news:

I got into my size 16 Merona jeans. Now anyone who wears that brand from Target knows that they run a little roomier, and the ones I have in particular have the stretchy no-gap waist band, which I think allows for a little more tummy room...if ya know what I mean. Well anywhoodle, they fit!!!! I think I took a pic of me wearing them like a month ago and I had muffin top. No muffin top now baby! In fact, I feel so damnnnnnn sexy in them, it's shameful! I wore them to work one day w/ black heels and strutted my ass through that place ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL day long baby. In fact I even went up to a few of my guy friends, stuck my ass towards them and said "check it! New smaller jeans, baby!" haha! I was, needless to say, PROUD! so I do have a few other brands of 16's I went ahead and tried on the other day, too tight for the tummy and BUTT but fit the thighs ok. So not OFFICIALLY into every brand of a 16, but I'm ok w/ that. I'm inching down into that category and excited about it. And I think I've NOW officially gone from  XL tops to L. The reason I say "think" is b/c my XLs from Old Navy are too big, but I've yet to buy L yet. I will do that this wk though w/ my tax money, I plan on investing in  several new tops, dresses, workout clothes, AND a few pair of jeans for when I'm smaller (if I catch them on sale).

Anyway, thanks for listening. I hope I can blog more often. OMG, one last thing I've yet to share with you guys. Ok so don't laugh (but if you do, don't let it be TOOO damn loud) but I am considering persuing a CERTIFICATION IN PERSONAL TRAINING! haha! I don't know why I find it funny, I guess b/c I'm still fat. But I've been thinking of how that job would be sooo rewarding. And to be working in a gym where you can either squeeze in workouts with clients or in between clients, isn't that crazy cool! So I've only told  afew people about it. My BFF and she said "do whatever will make you truly happy" my mom who said "they don't make enough money, get paid per client." and the guy I'm dating who actually...I don't think he had much to say. Oh he did say "yeah I don't think they make that great of money". PEOPLE, i am not an individual motivated by money. I yearn to have a career in something fufilling and enjoying, that's all. And with me being more physical active and outdoorsy lately, I think that'd be a great way for it to all come together. People tell me I am great at motivating people (in person at least, maybe not so much on here, haha) And that I find positive attributes in everyone and can pump up people's self-esteem shortly after meeting them. So wouldn't that be great to have that in a personal trainer.

Now so for the details, I would not want to be a trainer at 230 lbs, nor do I think a gym would hire me. But possibly at 190 or 180 depending on how fit I am. I know from recent experience, they do not have to look soooo phenominal anymore, they just have to know their stuff. So I am looking into it. I'm strongly considering it. It'd only take a week and about $600 to take the test to get certified. Then I could put in for part-time gigs at gyms on the weekends to gain the experience before I transitioned my career to full time, if I ever did. I do love the job I do now, it's just not 100% what I want. So let me know your thoughts. I think I covered a lot of ground on this post, made up for 6 days w/o me! I hope!

I love all you guys, your comments uplift me and motivate me (brutal honestly is ALWAYS accepted welcomely)

xoxo,

Liz