Down to 220...and good things!

I'm realizing lately I've been depending on people too much. And the word "dependency" has always bothered me. I've always yearned to be an "independent woman" and thought I was at times. But the truth is, I never have been. With these last few weeks being tough I've been leaning on L and both of my sisters for support. So much so that I feel bad for adding that pressure to their lives. I wanna be the kind of person who stands on their own, falls on their own, makes their own decisions without outside influences and/or opinions. I'm ready to do this for me. And I know some decisions will be super hard and will require me to mull it over for awhile. Others will feel great. And I already know, its the best when its your own decision and it turns out magnificent! My best example of that is my band. I didn't ask anyones opinions, concerns, or advice. I researched it endlessly, waited a year for my fear to subside, then decided and THEN made the announcement only to close family. Some criticized and I stood my ground. My confidence in my decision did not waver. And I did it! And a few months post op my aunt told me she was most proud of me, not for losing weight, but because I made the decision on my own and had the balls to stand up to my family about it and stood my ground! I think I cried...

Independence has always been an issue for me. My goal in life is "stability" and you cannot truly have one without the other. Time to stand on my wobbly legs...or crawl...or walk...maybe even run...and just...DO THE DAMN THING!!!

Update on my life: (as brief as possible)

*I've had all good days the last 4 or 5 days.
*I've lost 3 lbs!
*Bloating is subsiding!
*My son was diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficient -Hyper Disorder) today...which isn't "good" news but it's good to know there's an actual diagnosis and therefore, treatment. Whether that be behavioral treatment or medication...there are options now that I know what's going on. I'm beyond happy about that! We are figuring out his treatment plan next Tuesday and I'm very optimistic!
*I was officially diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficient Disorder) and Depression. My appt to consider if I need medication will be in 3-4 wks now but I'm feeling "happier" and may not need an anti-depressant.
*I got my tax money and paid some junk that needed to paid AND splurged on a few things. Mostly for my boys. And I felt really good about that.
*L and I are good. He knows I'm crazy. "Crazy good" he says...who knows. I'm lucky he stands by me. I'll never understand exactly why. I knew I was good in bed but....geez...I wouldn't put up with me, lol!
*May have a job next week!
*May have a house in 2-3 weeks! *Happiness*

I'm feeling stronger and braver! I remembered a few days ago something someone told me last year. I was at a family reunion of people from my Moms side of the family and this old lady was my Nanny's (grandma) best friend her WHOLE life. She came up to me and gave me a huge hug and said "I just need to tell you...you look amazing! So skinny, healthy and happy! And I wanted to let you know that your Nanny had so much faith in you. She said she knew that YOU, above all other kids in this family, would be somebody. She said she knew you would go on to be a great person and accomplish amazing things." THAT meant sooooo much to me b/c I did and still do idolize my grama! She was an amazing woman! She died when I was 15. To look back now, it's hard to believe that she already knew my potential before I was 15. But deep down, I know she's right. I'm a fighter and I don't like giving up and I prefer to reach for the stars. Mediocre goals are not my thing! And I felt like a warrior the moment I remembered what that woman said. I told myself "My Nanny knew it, my mom has told me too, I know it...now it's time to DO IT!" 

I hope you all had a marvelous day/week and happy scales! Cheers!
xoxo,
Lizzle

P.S. A couple pictures of our day trip to Flagstaff, Az this past weekend! Details about how grand that was next time!




Comments

  1. AnnieFebruary 23, 2011 at 8:43 PM

    Very brave post- kudos to you for being so honest, and willing to reflect on hard things. I am happy too that you have something to work on with your son- it must be very hard, and you are in my thoughts.

    Good luck with everything, and the pics are great, btw!

    ReplyDelete
  2. nikkiFebruary 24, 2011 at 8:45 AM

    Sometimes people don't vocalize their faith in you, openly, as they have issues with their ability to do well. I can relate, as I have experienced similar situations. Way to go for soaring above and beyond! :) You've shown so many people, including your bloggy sisters here, they you can and do what you set your mind too. And that my friend, is inspiration to us all.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ♥ Drazil ♥February 24, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    I love this happy post!

    ReplyDelete
  4. THE DASH!March 4, 2011 at 12:57 AM

    You look beautiful! Love the pictures.
    You know, sometimes I think the idea of a 'strong independent woman is part myth. We are definitely the stronger sex in so many ways but there are times when we need to lean - just as men do. Don't feel bad for it. You do what you have to do to get through life and its nice you have people around you who can support you when you need it.
    xx

    ReplyDelete

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