Odd Feelings
so I've been going through ALL my weightloss pics and FIRST...I have WAY more than I realized, oh my geez! And second, it's induced these odd feelings. I can't figure out exactly HOW I feel. But in there somewhere in sadness for the start of the journey, that girl who started out. The first few months...that girl looks happy but still looks soooooo Bad...in my eyes.
As I looked through them all by date the real change in my physical body began around Nov. 2009. It got really noticeable. THEN in Feb or March-ish (2010) my face began to change, with the weightloss. In May 2010 is when I began REALLY breaking out of my shell. It was a HUGE turning point for me. Oddly, that's when I quit losing weight. BUT my face got a lot thinner, that's when I went on my first hike alone, shortly before that was my half marathon and then 9 mile hike. From May to August was a time of continuous change and happiness. I can see it in my eyes, I remember how it felt. It's as if I was on the high point of a rollercoaster. Oddly, I met Lloyd the end of August and HE has brought me so much happiness. But since then...not much else has brought me happiness. My life has been a major bummer, I had less time for workouts or hikes or tennis. Work was stressful. I just let myself slack. And I miss that girl! The May-Aug girl! She seemed to have it all. I was actually unemployed then but I was carefully living on my retirement, still in my own place, paid my bills, starting writing the articles (a major break through in my self confidence), started doing all the hiking and felt so free and adventurous! It was just a good time. And each picture of myself during that time it is written all over my face. My face was glowly, my eyes glimmered. I do remember that time as being great but it's just crazy to me how it all appears in my picture. I don't look "bad or worse" since August...for sure. In fact, I still find myself just as attractive and beautiful as then, but that inner shine has diminished! I must find it again! I must hike again! I must run again! I must write again! I must make time for these things that bring me my OWN INNER HAPPINESS! I MUST!!!!!
xoxo,
Lizzle
So far I've found over 400 pictures of just MYSELF, body shots, tummy shots or head shots from early 2009 to present of just me, lol!
P.S. Ohhhh, btw, I DID RUN SATURDAY, as promised! I ran 1 mile in 12 minutes! Maintained my pace, for the most part. Ran again on Sunday and ran that same mile in 15 mins, lol! It did feel harder. I am still getting over an upper respiratory infection and I guess it was still a bit worse than I realized. I had to use my son's inhaler after I got done w/ my first run. But it felt so good! Today I am actually sore, lol! But it's a good feeling I've missed. Also I began tracking my food again on www.myfitnesspal.com, need to get the app on my new phone. Yesterday I went over by 60 calories or so and today...I don't know, it'll be close. May go over by 100. But it's been a constant THOUGHT PROCESS to eat healthier or eat less. Most days the band doesn't feel present. I'm not complaining. I'll work with it until I can get to an MD for a fill! =)
As I looked through them all by date the real change in my physical body began around Nov. 2009. It got really noticeable. THEN in Feb or March-ish (2010) my face began to change, with the weightloss. In May 2010 is when I began REALLY breaking out of my shell. It was a HUGE turning point for me. Oddly, that's when I quit losing weight. BUT my face got a lot thinner, that's when I went on my first hike alone, shortly before that was my half marathon and then 9 mile hike. From May to August was a time of continuous change and happiness. I can see it in my eyes, I remember how it felt. It's as if I was on the high point of a rollercoaster. Oddly, I met Lloyd the end of August and HE has brought me so much happiness. But since then...not much else has brought me happiness. My life has been a major bummer, I had less time for workouts or hikes or tennis. Work was stressful. I just let myself slack. And I miss that girl! The May-Aug girl! She seemed to have it all. I was actually unemployed then but I was carefully living on my retirement, still in my own place, paid my bills, starting writing the articles (a major break through in my self confidence), started doing all the hiking and felt so free and adventurous! It was just a good time. And each picture of myself during that time it is written all over my face. My face was glowly, my eyes glimmered. I do remember that time as being great but it's just crazy to me how it all appears in my picture. I don't look "bad or worse" since August...for sure. In fact, I still find myself just as attractive and beautiful as then, but that inner shine has diminished! I must find it again! I must hike again! I must run again! I must write again! I must make time for these things that bring me my OWN INNER HAPPINESS! I MUST!!!!!
xoxo,
Lizzle
So far I've found over 400 pictures of just MYSELF, body shots, tummy shots or head shots from early 2009 to present of just me, lol!
P.S. Ohhhh, btw, I DID RUN SATURDAY, as promised! I ran 1 mile in 12 minutes! Maintained my pace, for the most part. Ran again on Sunday and ran that same mile in 15 mins, lol! It did feel harder. I am still getting over an upper respiratory infection and I guess it was still a bit worse than I realized. I had to use my son's inhaler after I got done w/ my first run. But it felt so good! Today I am actually sore, lol! But it's a good feeling I've missed. Also I began tracking my food again on www.myfitnesspal.com, need to get the app on my new phone. Yesterday I went over by 60 calories or so and today...I don't know, it'll be close. May go over by 100. But it's been a constant THOUGHT PROCESS to eat healthier or eat less. Most days the band doesn't feel present. I'm not complaining. I'll work with it until I can get to an MD for a fill! =)
Interesting thought process...keep blogging it out. And nice job on the run.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are well on your way to getting that sparkle back. Congrats on the runs.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that picture-hunting has helped you understand a little more where you were and where you are now. It sounds like you've got a plan to capture May-Aug girl back. You'll do it!
ReplyDeletebring it back baby!
ReplyDelete