Whinniness & Issues, beware!
I have not exercised yet again but I feel the NEED to update on my situation and feelings to make it through this point in my journey.
Injured- I aggravated an old lower back injury fri or sat and it has gradually got worse. I managed at work Mon and then took off Today to do heat & cold rotations in the bed. It's killing me. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take the time and money to see the physical therapist now for some good ol' shock therapy! We'll see. I will give it my all to work it out myself. I mgiht attempt some yoga tonight to stretch it out.
Food- I'm doing well w/ food amounts and food choices. I still can't comprehend how chips are a cheat, they are not thin or liquidy. I love Sunchips, just trying to get used to staying away from those. Had a NICE yummy chef salad today. It's only my 2nd salad after my surg b/c my nutritionist said I couldn't have "raw veggies" for awhile, but she didn't stipulate how long. It went down fine today so I may add those in more often.
Vitamins- I'm forgetting them. I feel kind of out of wack, I need to step it up and remember it everyday.
Water- I'm a bad bad girl. Fri am I went in to do some lab work for my primary md to check all my vitamins levels, cbc, thyroid, etc to see if anything has changed post up and they couldn't get blood. They poked me in 2 arms and 2 hands, 7 diff times and NOTHING came out. They said I had to be SEVERLY DEHYDRATED b/c it was rare the hand wouldn't work. This has happened to me once before, my surg day when they tried to start my IV that sucked. So I left there fri am feeling devieted. I felt like if my surgeon knew I was dehydrated he'd be disappointed and know I wasn't taking care of myself. I think almost enough water, I guess I'm just getting too much caffeine to flush me out. I need to get back to drinking all my liquid out of my measuring cup thing that colds 20 oz. That was abetter, more accurate method for me.
Work- It's killing me. I signed up to help w/ OJT Mentor thing (which I love) but it keeps me busy almost all day and I feel like I have to be on my game 100% of the time b/c I'm being an example to others. I stay late at work which causes problems at home.
Home life- I am near insanity w/ this one. My 5 yo has been in kindergarten for 5 1/2 wks now. Week 2 we had to get used to adding 20 mins/night to our routine for HW. Then week 4, we had to get used to adding 20 more mins/night to the bedtime routine for reading. Either I read to him or he reads b/c he's just learning to read.
Normal life before school:
6pm- get boys from school
6:30 dinner then playtime/tv time
7:30 bathtime
8:00 riley (5 yo) in bed
8:30 konnor in bed (3 yo)
Crazy life now:
6pm-get boys from school
6:30 dinner
630-730 homework time (b/c he does it slow b/c he's tired by then)
730 playtime tv/time while i clean up
8 bath time
8:30 riley in bed
9 konnor in bed
I feel sooooooooooo out of whack when my routine is jacked up. I am a VERY routine person b/c I am so forgettful. If it's not incorporated in my routine, I cannot gaurantee I will remember to do it daily. Well Riley's teach said he's been super tIRED ALL day at school. So I need to up his bedtime to 7pm b/c it was 730 for the summer and he was fine w/ naps. So how the hell do I up his bedtime when it takes us so long to do our evening stuff. I barely feel like I'm spending quality time w/ my kids anymore. It's rush rush rush to get stuff done. Then if I don't rush and push riley, the end of the week I feel bad b/c we're rushing to "catch up" on hw. It sux! I'm struggling to find a happy medium. I'm guessing my only option is leaving work earlier. I CAN leave at 3:30 but I always feel like there is still so much to be done then. I'm going to have to suck it up though and leave at 3:30 to give me 2 xtra hrs for our evening routine. It sucks! I NEED ROUTINE!
see my perdicament w/ adding exercise in there somewhere. By the time they are both in bed I'm exhausted. I MAYBE clean, chill out by surfing the web, or kick back and watching tv. So, I wish I could do am exercises, I'm sure it'd be a great start to a day. I might try that soon and see if I can pull it off in our morning routine. That routine is pretty tight as well. haha! I feel crazy seeing routine this, routine that. But I swear I have ADD and must stick to my routines to function.
ADD- While it's on my mind...I feel like I seriously have it. All my family, friends, and co-workers tease me about being the dog in that new "up" movie where he gets distracted and says "squirrel" mid sentence b/c I do that ALLLLLLLLLLLL the time. Lately I've been so busy w/ work stuff, xtra work duties, Konnor's illnesses & accidents, Riley's school stuff, parent committee @ Riley's school, my food issues, and thoughts of the future I JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMED. I go from one thought to another, to another, to another. Rarely reaching asolution to the original prob I began thinking about and I feel mentally exhausted that I have come to no conclusion. I spent all day off work thinking about Riley's school stuff, my xtra work duties and trying to figure out a way to work it all out and I literally ended up w/ a migraine! wtf! A migraine! Seriously? I feel like my mind is jacked up and it's against me. I'm going to try to get into my family md this week and see if he can tell if I'm add, if so I want meds. I've been against add meds for a longgggggggggggg time b/c I'm a pharm tech and I know the damage those meds cause to kids and preteens and some teens. But I figure, I'm 24, I need to get my mind in order. If it doesn't work or has bad side affects, I'll stop it. IF ANY OF YOU HAVE HAD EXPERIENCE W/ THESE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! Oh another reason I think I might be add is b/c people with add, when you give them caffeine, they don't get hyper. Caffeine makes a person w/ add able to focus and concentrate, not jittery. I take a caffeine pill daily and feel like I can't function w/o it. And I KNOW it's bad for me keeping my body hydrated but I need it to not be hazy and sluggish throughout my day.
Future- So when I think of all these problems and business I wonder how I can handle school starting Oct 1st. I'm starting my online classes to finish my bachelors and I'm getting worrisome I'll feel bogged down. Oh lord I hope not, I've taken a yr off school and I amsooooo ready to go back. Plus, I'm trying really hard to make a protmotion to supervisor at work. Which means more hours and more stress w hile there...so I'm wondering how I can handle that. But now is my opportunity to jump on that b/c we have 4 supervisor positions open NOW and I want to jump on it. I just hope I can get it all processed. Usually when I feel like this, I take a day off work and sit at home alone making lists and decisions to make me feel centered again. i can't afford to do that, I'm savings up for my ark trip.
Nicotine- *secret* I'm still smoking. I had 2 that first day, and then 5 a day for probably a week. I am now up to half a pack a day and have yet to quit. That could add to my chronic light headaches lately. But I really feel like the act or ritual of it calms me down. I know I need and want to quit, I just feel like right now I'm too mentally fragile to try to conquer withdrawl again. I did w/o any help last time. I will attempt it, I promise, I know it's bad for me. it may just be a bit for me to work through some of these other issues first.
Omg I think this is long enough. I guess this is what happens when I go 3 days w/o blogging. haha!
xoxo,
Liz
Injured- I aggravated an old lower back injury fri or sat and it has gradually got worse. I managed at work Mon and then took off Today to do heat & cold rotations in the bed. It's killing me. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take the time and money to see the physical therapist now for some good ol' shock therapy! We'll see. I will give it my all to work it out myself. I mgiht attempt some yoga tonight to stretch it out.
Food- I'm doing well w/ food amounts and food choices. I still can't comprehend how chips are a cheat, they are not thin or liquidy. I love Sunchips, just trying to get used to staying away from those. Had a NICE yummy chef salad today. It's only my 2nd salad after my surg b/c my nutritionist said I couldn't have "raw veggies" for awhile, but she didn't stipulate how long. It went down fine today so I may add those in more often.
Vitamins- I'm forgetting them. I feel kind of out of wack, I need to step it up and remember it everyday.
Water- I'm a bad bad girl. Fri am I went in to do some lab work for my primary md to check all my vitamins levels, cbc, thyroid, etc to see if anything has changed post up and they couldn't get blood. They poked me in 2 arms and 2 hands, 7 diff times and NOTHING came out. They said I had to be SEVERLY DEHYDRATED b/c it was rare the hand wouldn't work. This has happened to me once before, my surg day when they tried to start my IV that sucked. So I left there fri am feeling devieted. I felt like if my surgeon knew I was dehydrated he'd be disappointed and know I wasn't taking care of myself. I think almost enough water, I guess I'm just getting too much caffeine to flush me out. I need to get back to drinking all my liquid out of my measuring cup thing that colds 20 oz. That was abetter, more accurate method for me.
Work- It's killing me. I signed up to help w/ OJT Mentor thing (which I love) but it keeps me busy almost all day and I feel like I have to be on my game 100% of the time b/c I'm being an example to others. I stay late at work which causes problems at home.
Home life- I am near insanity w/ this one. My 5 yo has been in kindergarten for 5 1/2 wks now. Week 2 we had to get used to adding 20 mins/night to our routine for HW. Then week 4, we had to get used to adding 20 more mins/night to the bedtime routine for reading. Either I read to him or he reads b/c he's just learning to read.
Normal life before school:
6pm- get boys from school
6:30 dinner then playtime/tv time
7:30 bathtime
8:00 riley (5 yo) in bed
8:30 konnor in bed (3 yo)
Crazy life now:
6pm-get boys from school
6:30 dinner
630-730 homework time (b/c he does it slow b/c he's tired by then)
730 playtime tv/time while i clean up
8 bath time
8:30 riley in bed
9 konnor in bed
I feel sooooooooooo out of whack when my routine is jacked up. I am a VERY routine person b/c I am so forgettful. If it's not incorporated in my routine, I cannot gaurantee I will remember to do it daily. Well Riley's teach said he's been super tIRED ALL day at school. So I need to up his bedtime to 7pm b/c it was 730 for the summer and he was fine w/ naps. So how the hell do I up his bedtime when it takes us so long to do our evening stuff. I barely feel like I'm spending quality time w/ my kids anymore. It's rush rush rush to get stuff done. Then if I don't rush and push riley, the end of the week I feel bad b/c we're rushing to "catch up" on hw. It sux! I'm struggling to find a happy medium. I'm guessing my only option is leaving work earlier. I CAN leave at 3:30 but I always feel like there is still so much to be done then. I'm going to have to suck it up though and leave at 3:30 to give me 2 xtra hrs for our evening routine. It sucks! I NEED ROUTINE!
see my perdicament w/ adding exercise in there somewhere. By the time they are both in bed I'm exhausted. I MAYBE clean, chill out by surfing the web, or kick back and watching tv. So, I wish I could do am exercises, I'm sure it'd be a great start to a day. I might try that soon and see if I can pull it off in our morning routine. That routine is pretty tight as well. haha! I feel crazy seeing routine this, routine that. But I swear I have ADD and must stick to my routines to function.
ADD- While it's on my mind...I feel like I seriously have it. All my family, friends, and co-workers tease me about being the dog in that new "up" movie where he gets distracted and says "squirrel" mid sentence b/c I do that ALLLLLLLLLLLL the time. Lately I've been so busy w/ work stuff, xtra work duties, Konnor's illnesses & accidents, Riley's school stuff, parent committee @ Riley's school, my food issues, and thoughts of the future I JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMED. I go from one thought to another, to another, to another. Rarely reaching asolution to the original prob I began thinking about and I feel mentally exhausted that I have come to no conclusion. I spent all day off work thinking about Riley's school stuff, my xtra work duties and trying to figure out a way to work it all out and I literally ended up w/ a migraine! wtf! A migraine! Seriously? I feel like my mind is jacked up and it's against me. I'm going to try to get into my family md this week and see if he can tell if I'm add, if so I want meds. I've been against add meds for a longgggggggggggg time b/c I'm a pharm tech and I know the damage those meds cause to kids and preteens and some teens. But I figure, I'm 24, I need to get my mind in order. If it doesn't work or has bad side affects, I'll stop it. IF ANY OF YOU HAVE HAD EXPERIENCE W/ THESE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! Oh another reason I think I might be add is b/c people with add, when you give them caffeine, they don't get hyper. Caffeine makes a person w/ add able to focus and concentrate, not jittery. I take a caffeine pill daily and feel like I can't function w/o it. And I KNOW it's bad for me keeping my body hydrated but I need it to not be hazy and sluggish throughout my day.
Future- So when I think of all these problems and business I wonder how I can handle school starting Oct 1st. I'm starting my online classes to finish my bachelors and I'm getting worrisome I'll feel bogged down. Oh lord I hope not, I've taken a yr off school and I amsooooo ready to go back. Plus, I'm trying really hard to make a protmotion to supervisor at work. Which means more hours and more stress w hile there...so I'm wondering how I can handle that. But now is my opportunity to jump on that b/c we have 4 supervisor positions open NOW and I want to jump on it. I just hope I can get it all processed. Usually when I feel like this, I take a day off work and sit at home alone making lists and decisions to make me feel centered again. i can't afford to do that, I'm savings up for my ark trip.
Nicotine- *secret* I'm still smoking. I had 2 that first day, and then 5 a day for probably a week. I am now up to half a pack a day and have yet to quit. That could add to my chronic light headaches lately. But I really feel like the act or ritual of it calms me down. I know I need and want to quit, I just feel like right now I'm too mentally fragile to try to conquer withdrawl again. I did w/o any help last time. I will attempt it, I promise, I know it's bad for me. it may just be a bit for me to work through some of these other issues first.
Omg I think this is long enough. I guess this is what happens when I go 3 days w/o blogging. haha!
xoxo,
Liz
Should I give you a lecture right now? I say yes. You have got to quit smoking! It makes no sense to go through WLS to change your life and make your body a healthy machine just to ruin your insides! Of course, you know all this, and it would be like someone lecturing me not to overeat before the band. It is an addiction, but it will kill you. My gma died of lung cancer, and it was a long, slow, painful death. But even the short term effects are serious. Smokers take 45% longer to heal after surgery. Working out will be harder.
ReplyDeleteAs for the caffenine. Also not good, but in comparison to the smoking...not bad ya know! I do know you body gets addicted to that as well. How about b-12 and other natural vitamins for energy? It will interesting to see when your bloodwork comes back if your b-12 is low.
Water. If you love routines, work your water into a routine. That's what I do. I drink one in my car on the way to work. One at my desk 30 minutes after I eat, one before lunch, one after, etc. It can help curb hunger for a little while and even helps boost your metabolism.
ADD-ask Angie about it. She can help you there.
The kids-it is only going to get crazier as they get older. I can't help you much there, since I am sans children, but your sanity is just as important as a schedule ya know?
You can do this girl!
Working out-I still dont work out very much at all, and I am almost 8 months out. It is hard ya know. Focus on making healthy choices elsewhere, get your schedule fixed, and then work in exercise. Dont be yourself up about it. We dont have to turn into gym barbie the moment we are banded.
Hugs to my Liz!
Oh poor girl, you are dealing with so much right now! I feel for you. Get the routine down and other issues settled before you try to stop smoking. Just like losing weight, a half-hearted attempt while you are distracted with other stuff will probably not work.
ReplyDeleteExercise is hard to fit in. Again, try to get the other stuff in order and it will be easier.
ADD...My son took meds for about 4 years, and it saved our family. If this is what you are dealing with, it is a real brain imbalance and wishing it away will not work. Luckily my son has been off meds for nearly a year, but I can't say enough about how much they helped him. He tried just about every one out there, so if you get a particular prescription, I can tell you our experience. Also do not rule out depression. It can manifest as an inability to concentrate (I had this problem). And again, depression is a real chemical imbalance, which is dramatically improved with medication when necessary.
Let us know how you are doing, hope things start looking up!
other than the smoking thing, your life sounds like mine!!
ReplyDeletewith 4 children (3 in school) our nights are filled with hurry up, sit down, focus, get in the shower, brush your teeth, get to bed!
i get home around 6pm from picking up the little one from daycare. the other 3 have been home for about an hour and 1/2 but usually are not done with their homework b/c without someone to make them focus ... they aren't done yet.
we shovel in dinner of some sort and sometimes run off to boy scouts or soccer games. then its finish your homework and go to bed!
start the next morning at 5:30am and repeat.
i worked with the 8 year old until 10pm (WTF?!?) last night on doing his homework. i wish i could tell you it gets better ... but i haven't seen it yet.
May god bless you Liz. I don't know how you do it. I know you are at your wits end and will take any relief you can get, but I would advise against ADD meds. You know yourself best - so I don't want to presume to know more than YOU about you, but it sounds like serious STRESS. I think you SHOULD take of work early for YOU. Exercise, study, settle yourself in those 2 hours. I think you might be ready for your boys then. Also, if you are interested, I HIGHLY recommend chanting. I learned Nichiren Buddhist chanting (Nom yo ho renge kyo) last year and it really changed my life and the endless litany of distractions in my head. I really found peace. I recommended it to my neice recently and she loves it. It basically means 'I am at peace with the world and everything in it.' You can chant that as well, if you prefer. Just a suggestion. You can chant aloud or silently in your head - anywhere, anytime, any reason.
ReplyDeleteI understand all too well how some lower back paid can really mess things up! I alleviate it, I do some stretching over a big exercise ball and give it some ice. Hope you are feeling better soon. Good luck with giving up on the smokes!
ReplyDelete