An Update on My Mental Stability...or lack thereof...
Do you guys have problems with pills? I don’t. I remember them saying you can only take a pill the size of a birth control pill post op. But I don’t take any regular daily medications (Thank God) and so I never worried about it. But I have had a headache a few times and took a regular Tylenol tablet. I had no problems. Then the other day, I took a huge Aleve Gel Cap (those suckers are fat) and I’m pretty sure it got stuck. I had upper abdominal pain for a few hours, a weird pain I’d never had before. So I was just wonder what ya’lls experience is like with taking medication.
So my weight has been crazy lately. I am trying to figure out if I’m floundering here or if I’m too content at this weight to try hard. I don’t know. I really have no clue what’s going on. I envy you guys who can just stick to it mostly and have a steady weight loss. I have had a few road blocks. And the previous ones, I can easily explain. See my highest was 295. Pre op was 270. When I began losing with the band, I told myself “I’ll be so happy when I get to 230” because that weight to me represented getting back down to where I was right after I had my first kid. It was also the lowest weight I got to on WW’s in 2006 and I only maintained it for a week, then of course put all that weight back on. When I got to 230, I was very excited and content and I did stay there a few weeks, quit working out, quit trying. A few weeks later I pulled up my boot straps and got motivated to get to 215. No special meaning there, it was just the next goal I focused on. My body changed a lot from 230 to 215. So when I got to 215 last month, I was sooo stoked. It was a new goal for me. That weight is LESS than what I weighed when I was 19, when I first got pregnant with my first kid. So the size I am now is what I was coming out of high school. That makes me realize just how small I have gotten. Being in a size 16 truly is exciting because that’s my high school SIZE! But, here I am again at this stuck point, not trying hard, nothing wrong w/ my band, it’s just me. I just get content and lose motivation. Usually it takes some new goal or something to work towards to spark me back on the right path, but that hasn’t worked yet this time.
I’m going back home to Arkansas for a family reunion in exactly 24 days! My sister and I decided we’d do a 5k together while I’m there. So I set these goals for myself for then:
*Be at 199 lbs
*Run the 5k in 38 minutes
So that should’ve been my motivated. I started that goal weighing in at 214, got down to 209, and now I’m around 211-212. I have tried w/ the exercise, but not super devoted. And I have tried w/ the eating, like 2 meals out of 3 in a day are good choices. I’m just not fully giving it my best and I don’t know why. I need myself or someone else to kick my own ass! For real! I have 24 days to lose 13 lbs????? Possible???? Hmmm, I dunno. But when I started that goal it was a feasible 2 lb/wk but I just screwed it all up for myself. I started out this week saying I was going to go to the gym 3x between Tue-Fri. Well I didn’t. I did hike Tuesday 4.8 miles and it almost killed me. But I was fine Wed and still didn’t work out. Then Thur I did an hour of yard work and sweat my ass off the entire time. THAT I would consider a workout b/c my thighs are sore and I sweat the entire time! (I’m still sore from the yard work, haha) But I’m still disappointed in myself that I’m currently unemployed but do not MAKE the time or USE the time to workout. I should be doing 2 hours a day, that’s what I had hoped.
AND I’m going to be meeting S in person for the first time when I go back home! OMG he’s so adorable and I want to be so perfect. And if I did weigh 199 or less, I think I’d FEEL like I looked like a million bucks. Because that is a huge goal, we all know that. So really even seeing him should be motivation for me to want to do well. But then again maybe HE is the roadblock. He tells me I’m so gorgeous, so amazing, adorable even w/o makeup , etc etc. He makes me FEEL beautiful and maybe that is causing me to not care enough to lose weight. He’s seen full body pictures of me and he still says I’m the hottest thing on the planet, so he just kinda convinces me to agree with him!!!!!! (Not a TON of convincing needed, I think I’m pretty rad!)
So since I’ve been “Home” with all this spare time, (Not really I have kept myself busy with unemployment, writing, school, and house to do’s) I had gotten really bad with the Monster Energy Drinks and homemade sweet tea. I had one LATE Thur night, a monster that is, around 7pm. I don’t normally have them that late. But the last two weeks being home I had gotten into the habit AGAIN of getting one every morning. So I had gotten to the point AGAIN of craving the flavor, not even the caffeine or energy. I crave them like I used to crave soda (I do not drink soda of any kind anymore). So I had one late, then had a headache. Woke up Friday am resolving to stop the Monsters and sweet tea so I can make sure my body gets enough water. As you might’ve seen on my previous detox bitching post, I was unhappy Fri am because I just kept thinking about a freakin’ Monster! Ugh! BUT I drank half a liter of water before I left the house then took it with me while I ran errands all day. By 1pm I had drank 2 ½ liters of water. That felt good. I still craved the Monster though. I am actually ok without the sweet tea. So when I’M HOME I think I’ll be fine. But when I’m out running errands it’s so hard to not just stop by a gas station and buy a Monster. But I did good. Went all day. Then for some reason I was feeling a little emotional Fri evening. I ran by walmart to pick up a Redbox rental for our Friday Night Movie Night and I was on the phone with S being all moody with him (long story). So I just walked into walmart and bought a monster. I felt a little better immediately but then S made me feel a ton better. Then I had this monster sitting there in my car with only 1 drink gone and I was fine. But I HATE to waste, so of course I drank it. So I guess I went about 23 hrs w/o one, lol, a joke! But I should be ok this weekend. I rarely crave a monster on the weekend because we are either home or swimming at Moms, all weekend. I tend to just crave them when I’m out “running errands”. So if I can go all this weekend and give it best come Monday, I may be A-OK!
Another thing I’d like to touch on real quick, is the fact that I have never PB’d. I wonder why. I mean like 8 mths post op I asked my surgeon if I was doing something “wrong” because it just seems so common in the banded blog world. He said I was stupid. Lol! He said it’s not “normal” and that I probably just chew my food really well. I guess so. I’ve been banded 13 mths now and I have never PB’d. Honestly, I kinda wish I’d had that experience. I have been stuck before. Probably like 5-7 times, but that’s it. Whatever those trigger foods were, I was extra careful anytime I ate them after that.
And while I’m touching on the band and food; I can still eat bread. I can’t eat a whole sandwich or a whole bagel, but I can eat pizza still. I remember Mary saying like 6 mths ago she’d get “stuck” just looking at pizza, lol! I dunno, makes me wonder if maybe my band should be tighter if all these other people can’t eat foods that I CAN eat and they are losing quicker. I dunno how I’ll have to go about getting a fill now because I lost my health insurance and I have NO idea how much it’ll cost me :/ I sure can’t afford it for now. Maybe in August. Last fill was May and I feel fine. I just need to stay away from slidder foods. Just makes me WONDER, do I need to be tighter? I’m at 8cc in a 10cc band….
Xoxo,
Libby Lou
So my weight has been crazy lately. I am trying to figure out if I’m floundering here or if I’m too content at this weight to try hard. I don’t know. I really have no clue what’s going on. I envy you guys who can just stick to it mostly and have a steady weight loss. I have had a few road blocks. And the previous ones, I can easily explain. See my highest was 295. Pre op was 270. When I began losing with the band, I told myself “I’ll be so happy when I get to 230” because that weight to me represented getting back down to where I was right after I had my first kid. It was also the lowest weight I got to on WW’s in 2006 and I only maintained it for a week, then of course put all that weight back on. When I got to 230, I was very excited and content and I did stay there a few weeks, quit working out, quit trying. A few weeks later I pulled up my boot straps and got motivated to get to 215. No special meaning there, it was just the next goal I focused on. My body changed a lot from 230 to 215. So when I got to 215 last month, I was sooo stoked. It was a new goal for me. That weight is LESS than what I weighed when I was 19, when I first got pregnant with my first kid. So the size I am now is what I was coming out of high school. That makes me realize just how small I have gotten. Being in a size 16 truly is exciting because that’s my high school SIZE! But, here I am again at this stuck point, not trying hard, nothing wrong w/ my band, it’s just me. I just get content and lose motivation. Usually it takes some new goal or something to work towards to spark me back on the right path, but that hasn’t worked yet this time.
I’m going back home to Arkansas for a family reunion in exactly 24 days! My sister and I decided we’d do a 5k together while I’m there. So I set these goals for myself for then:
*Be at 199 lbs
*Run the 5k in 38 minutes
So that should’ve been my motivated. I started that goal weighing in at 214, got down to 209, and now I’m around 211-212. I have tried w/ the exercise, but not super devoted. And I have tried w/ the eating, like 2 meals out of 3 in a day are good choices. I’m just not fully giving it my best and I don’t know why. I need myself or someone else to kick my own ass! For real! I have 24 days to lose 13 lbs????? Possible???? Hmmm, I dunno. But when I started that goal it was a feasible 2 lb/wk but I just screwed it all up for myself. I started out this week saying I was going to go to the gym 3x between Tue-Fri. Well I didn’t. I did hike Tuesday 4.8 miles and it almost killed me. But I was fine Wed and still didn’t work out. Then Thur I did an hour of yard work and sweat my ass off the entire time. THAT I would consider a workout b/c my thighs are sore and I sweat the entire time! (I’m still sore from the yard work, haha) But I’m still disappointed in myself that I’m currently unemployed but do not MAKE the time or USE the time to workout. I should be doing 2 hours a day, that’s what I had hoped.
AND I’m going to be meeting S in person for the first time when I go back home! OMG he’s so adorable and I want to be so perfect. And if I did weigh 199 or less, I think I’d FEEL like I looked like a million bucks. Because that is a huge goal, we all know that. So really even seeing him should be motivation for me to want to do well. But then again maybe HE is the roadblock. He tells me I’m so gorgeous, so amazing, adorable even w/o makeup , etc etc. He makes me FEEL beautiful and maybe that is causing me to not care enough to lose weight. He’s seen full body pictures of me and he still says I’m the hottest thing on the planet, so he just kinda convinces me to agree with him!!!!!! (Not a TON of convincing needed, I think I’m pretty rad!)
So since I’ve been “Home” with all this spare time, (Not really I have kept myself busy with unemployment, writing, school, and house to do’s) I had gotten really bad with the Monster Energy Drinks and homemade sweet tea. I had one LATE Thur night, a monster that is, around 7pm. I don’t normally have them that late. But the last two weeks being home I had gotten into the habit AGAIN of getting one every morning. So I had gotten to the point AGAIN of craving the flavor, not even the caffeine or energy. I crave them like I used to crave soda (I do not drink soda of any kind anymore). So I had one late, then had a headache. Woke up Friday am resolving to stop the Monsters and sweet tea so I can make sure my body gets enough water. As you might’ve seen on my previous detox bitching post, I was unhappy Fri am because I just kept thinking about a freakin’ Monster! Ugh! BUT I drank half a liter of water before I left the house then took it with me while I ran errands all day. By 1pm I had drank 2 ½ liters of water. That felt good. I still craved the Monster though. I am actually ok without the sweet tea. So when I’M HOME I think I’ll be fine. But when I’m out running errands it’s so hard to not just stop by a gas station and buy a Monster. But I did good. Went all day. Then for some reason I was feeling a little emotional Fri evening. I ran by walmart to pick up a Redbox rental for our Friday Night Movie Night and I was on the phone with S being all moody with him (long story). So I just walked into walmart and bought a monster. I felt a little better immediately but then S made me feel a ton better. Then I had this monster sitting there in my car with only 1 drink gone and I was fine. But I HATE to waste, so of course I drank it. So I guess I went about 23 hrs w/o one, lol, a joke! But I should be ok this weekend. I rarely crave a monster on the weekend because we are either home or swimming at Moms, all weekend. I tend to just crave them when I’m out “running errands”. So if I can go all this weekend and give it best come Monday, I may be A-OK!
Another thing I’d like to touch on real quick, is the fact that I have never PB’d. I wonder why. I mean like 8 mths post op I asked my surgeon if I was doing something “wrong” because it just seems so common in the banded blog world. He said I was stupid. Lol! He said it’s not “normal” and that I probably just chew my food really well. I guess so. I’ve been banded 13 mths now and I have never PB’d. Honestly, I kinda wish I’d had that experience. I have been stuck before. Probably like 5-7 times, but that’s it. Whatever those trigger foods were, I was extra careful anytime I ate them after that.
And while I’m touching on the band and food; I can still eat bread. I can’t eat a whole sandwich or a whole bagel, but I can eat pizza still. I remember Mary saying like 6 mths ago she’d get “stuck” just looking at pizza, lol! I dunno, makes me wonder if maybe my band should be tighter if all these other people can’t eat foods that I CAN eat and they are losing quicker. I dunno how I’ll have to go about getting a fill now because I lost my health insurance and I have NO idea how much it’ll cost me :/ I sure can’t afford it for now. Maybe in August. Last fill was May and I feel fine. I just need to stay away from slidder foods. Just makes me WONDER, do I need to be tighter? I’m at 8cc in a 10cc band….
Xoxo,
Libby Lou
Oh, Libby Lou! I could have written a good part of this post! Especially the part about being kinda content at your current weight and therefore slightly less motivated. We're almost exactly the same weight and even had the same recent bounces (I weighed in at 204 last week and now I'm hovering around 207 this week). I'm so close to the 100's! But I'm also feeling really pleased with my body for the first time in a looooong time, so I think that's why I've been slacking off for a bit. It sucks! Let's kick each other's asses! Race ya to 199? =)
ReplyDeleteAs for pills, I can swallow fairly large ones but it's a struggle to get them all the way down sometimes. They gurgle and I feel the water moving them around. I have to make sure I'm upright or I'll feel that "stuck" feeling all day long!
Let's do it! We can race! I was racing with Beth and she's already whipping my ass!!!! Way to go Beth!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had motivation all the time! I feel like I can really relate to you - My highest weight was 292, I had surgery at 281, right now I'm hovering around 236-237, and I was 232 when I met my husband so 231 will be a huge milestone as it will be the smallest my husband has ever seen me. I also have never PB'ed. I CAN eat a whole sandwich, a whole bagel, pizza, steak...have not met ANY food that gets stuck. Makes me wonder if I really even have a band sometimes. So...I'm not sure what to tell you but I can relate.
ReplyDelete