The door closed...
...
:(
Two doors closed, really.
But I see a window open!
I have faith, I believe, I hope, I love, I survive. When stuff crumbles around me, I look for the bright side, pick myself up, dust off, and head in the direction of the "new and wonderful".
Today started out as a crap-ola day! For real. Sucked ass. I woke up in the grumpiest mood, took it out on my boys :( then decided I was NOT going to work out. I spent the first half of the day in a depressed stupor because I decided to end things with S. Long story short (first time in my life) - He just expected me to be a way I could not, expected me to accept things I COULD NOT. Bum deal. Such is life. I thought he sounded too perfect anyway. Us in the future? God only knows. I hope we stay DISTANT friends.
So once I dealt with that (that being the 2nd door closed, first one being me getting fired 3 wks ago) I decided I needed to perk up, be happy, don't let THIS dim my shine, and figure out where I go from here. The world is open to me. Choices! Choices! Choices! I LOVE CHOICES! Did I say that enough? People used to tell me I ran from trouble or I ran to escape. At times, I'd admit they were true (my late teens) but really now I don't see it like that. When the deck is stacked against me, "...I just play a different game", that's a line from one of my favorite Reba McEntire songs "I'm A Survivor"!!! "And though my life is changing fast, who I am is who I wanna be!" Good stuff right there!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBEK_R9YPUM
Just came across a different song by Reba on youtube, a love song. I feel a bit sad about S. Truly I felt deeply for him. Just wanted to acknowledge this moment of me sitting here for a 5 minute pause between that paragraph and this one. Just starring. Oh well. I know what I'm made of, I know what I can and cannot deal with. I could not deal with THAT.
So anywhoodle, my point for this blog was to talk about how stoked I am about the future. See, I think my old job was like a security blanket for me. I had moved all around the valley to different cities all within a decent drive to my job. The boys school was a decent distance from my work, my life revolved around my job. When family and friends in Arkansas would beg me to move back home, I always said "But I have a GREAT job here." First day I told people I got fired they said "You gonna move back home now?". So although I have had many issues with the state of Arkansas, they did pound this into my head over the last few weeks. I've been at home, doing my writing thing, working out or not, and have put a lot into the whole move thing. I believe in karma, faith, etc. I wonder WHY I got fired. Not just because I did wrong in the workplace by why did God let me get fired, what am I supposed to do now? What path am I supposed to go down? Did I really get fired from a good tech job just to find another good tech job and keep at what I was doing? Could it really be that simple? I HAVE NO CLUE! But I like to think it all happened to open my eyes to new possibilities. Possibilities I was too stubborn to consider before. I love Arizona deeply, very, very deeply. That I will never question or doubt. My mom and step dad are here and they are my MOST important family to me, that matters!
So it took about a week for my sister (in Arkansas) to point out to me that I should consider nursing school in Arkansas. She has been trying to get me to move home for years! (Think she misses her little sissy way bunches!) So I said "Ok Jenn". Then my BFF (in Arkansas) said "Check into the nursing schools here. It'd be awesome if we went through the program together!" (She's a CNA and is going to be going back to school to finish RN in the next year or so after baby #2) So they planted the seed in my head and I pulled up school info online one night and quickly found out that the nursing schools in Arkansas DO NOT have a waiting list. All the nursing schools here in the Valley have a 2 1/2 year waiting list just to START the 2 yr program. That's crap! So..............I'm thinkin'..............I could feasibly be done with school in Arkansas before I could start it in Arizona. Hmmmmm.... Makes a fella think..... a lot!
So I just wanted to share that I am pondering this. I am wondering if I CAN live happily in Arkansas again. Long story short (here goes again) -I moved there 3x between 2003 and 2006 and never lasted more than 5 mths before I RAN back to Arizona :( So my BFF says I better be 100% sure before I move because she'll bitch slap me if I ever leave her again :D Gotta love her!
So at this point, after A TON of thinking today and tonight, I think I'm gonna do it. I'm not gonna anounce it to family or friends yet (other than my Mom) because I don't want them getting hopeful incase I change my mind. I have like 3-4 options of different nursing schools in Northern Arkansas and Eastern Oklahoma to consider. None have waiting lists, programs are similar, pre reqs are almost exactly the same. My sketchy plan so far:
*Finish Human A&P I (and lab) here at MCC in the fall (and 1-2 other pre reqs)
*January 2011-Submit apps to ALL nursing schools and see how it goes (app deadline is April)
So sketchy plan, yes, those schools are all in DIFFERENT towns. So I'd have to figure out WHERE I'd like to live.
Break down of locals:
Arkansas State University {in JOnesboro, Ar} Great town, close to my sister and bff and all other family.
University of Arkansas CC-FS {in Fort Smith, Ar} good program, my RN cousin lives there, it is 3 hrs from my sis and 2 hrs from my brother in OK, so perfectly between my siblings, could easily spend a weekend with either, but still 3 hrs from BFF :( No hang time on the porch swing with BFF if I lived that far away. And no surprise visits! I love surprise visits!
University of Arkansas CC-B {Batesville, Ar} cute town, same town as my ex so Konnor could see his dad OFTEN (if he doesn't act like an a-hole), close to my sister and not horribly far from my BFF for a day visit.
*Mom wants me to Consider* Oklahoma State University {Tulsa, Ok} where my big brother lives, know nothing about the town except he loves it, I'd be close to him and his wife and kids, and Mom thinks living near my brother would do me good. He's a great role model for me, I've always looked up to him!
Side note to self: If I live in any of those towns EXCEPT BATESVILLE I can keep my online writing job, major plus!
So those are my choices. None of those towns are horribly close to one another so it's not like I could pick a small town in between 2 of 'em and decide later, and I DO NOT DO small towns! Outgrew that a long time ago! :D
I figure if I'm applying in Jan to start in August, I need to move around January so I don't have to pay "out of state tuition" come August. That's just what I'm thinking. See how this is all like 6-12 mths away? I think way ahead, way way far ahead! So I hope I didn't bore you guys to death with this non-band related post. Just wanted to, briefly, share about S and possible new horizons for this Honey! :D
Food note: I ate super, skipped a meal, and had a monster. Drank 3 liters of water again. So I guess the day turns out pretty even. My weight was still 212 this am so no real loss from the last 4 hrs of cardio (this wk) but I had a lot of muscle soreness and we've all heard how that can make you retain water. So I'm praying I wake up tomorrow at 210 (too much to ask?) b/c the soreness is almost all gone. If I do or don't, I am comitting to 2-3 hrs in the gym tomorrow! (I'm officially 2 hrs behind on my weekly goal).
Still sad about S, wah wah! Apparently it's pretty easy for ME to fall for someone who's not even here in person :( Such is life little bunnies, I will continue to forge on and continue to love aimlessly!
xoxo,
Lizzybeth!
:(
Two doors closed, really.
But I see a window open!
I have faith, I believe, I hope, I love, I survive. When stuff crumbles around me, I look for the bright side, pick myself up, dust off, and head in the direction of the "new and wonderful".
Today started out as a crap-ola day! For real. Sucked ass. I woke up in the grumpiest mood, took it out on my boys :( then decided I was NOT going to work out. I spent the first half of the day in a depressed stupor because I decided to end things with S. Long story short (first time in my life) - He just expected me to be a way I could not, expected me to accept things I COULD NOT. Bum deal. Such is life. I thought he sounded too perfect anyway. Us in the future? God only knows. I hope we stay DISTANT friends.
So once I dealt with that (that being the 2nd door closed, first one being me getting fired 3 wks ago) I decided I needed to perk up, be happy, don't let THIS dim my shine, and figure out where I go from here. The world is open to me. Choices! Choices! Choices! I LOVE CHOICES! Did I say that enough? People used to tell me I ran from trouble or I ran to escape. At times, I'd admit they were true (my late teens) but really now I don't see it like that. When the deck is stacked against me, "...I just play a different game", that's a line from one of my favorite Reba McEntire songs "I'm A Survivor"!!! "And though my life is changing fast, who I am is who I wanna be!" Good stuff right there!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBEK_R9YPUM
Just came across a different song by Reba on youtube, a love song. I feel a bit sad about S. Truly I felt deeply for him. Just wanted to acknowledge this moment of me sitting here for a 5 minute pause between that paragraph and this one. Just starring. Oh well. I know what I'm made of, I know what I can and cannot deal with. I could not deal with THAT.
So anywhoodle, my point for this blog was to talk about how stoked I am about the future. See, I think my old job was like a security blanket for me. I had moved all around the valley to different cities all within a decent drive to my job. The boys school was a decent distance from my work, my life revolved around my job. When family and friends in Arkansas would beg me to move back home, I always said "But I have a GREAT job here." First day I told people I got fired they said "You gonna move back home now?". So although I have had many issues with the state of Arkansas, they did pound this into my head over the last few weeks. I've been at home, doing my writing thing, working out or not, and have put a lot into the whole move thing. I believe in karma, faith, etc. I wonder WHY I got fired. Not just because I did wrong in the workplace by why did God let me get fired, what am I supposed to do now? What path am I supposed to go down? Did I really get fired from a good tech job just to find another good tech job and keep at what I was doing? Could it really be that simple? I HAVE NO CLUE! But I like to think it all happened to open my eyes to new possibilities. Possibilities I was too stubborn to consider before. I love Arizona deeply, very, very deeply. That I will never question or doubt. My mom and step dad are here and they are my MOST important family to me, that matters!
So it took about a week for my sister (in Arkansas) to point out to me that I should consider nursing school in Arkansas. She has been trying to get me to move home for years! (Think she misses her little sissy way bunches!) So I said "Ok Jenn". Then my BFF (in Arkansas) said "Check into the nursing schools here. It'd be awesome if we went through the program together!" (She's a CNA and is going to be going back to school to finish RN in the next year or so after baby #2) So they planted the seed in my head and I pulled up school info online one night and quickly found out that the nursing schools in Arkansas DO NOT have a waiting list. All the nursing schools here in the Valley have a 2 1/2 year waiting list just to START the 2 yr program. That's crap! So..............I'm thinkin'..............I could feasibly be done with school in Arkansas before I could start it in Arizona. Hmmmmm.... Makes a fella think..... a lot!
So I just wanted to share that I am pondering this. I am wondering if I CAN live happily in Arkansas again. Long story short (here goes again) -I moved there 3x between 2003 and 2006 and never lasted more than 5 mths before I RAN back to Arizona :( So my BFF says I better be 100% sure before I move because she'll bitch slap me if I ever leave her again :D Gotta love her!
So at this point, after A TON of thinking today and tonight, I think I'm gonna do it. I'm not gonna anounce it to family or friends yet (other than my Mom) because I don't want them getting hopeful incase I change my mind. I have like 3-4 options of different nursing schools in Northern Arkansas and Eastern Oklahoma to consider. None have waiting lists, programs are similar, pre reqs are almost exactly the same. My sketchy plan so far:
*Finish Human A&P I (and lab) here at MCC in the fall (and 1-2 other pre reqs)
*January 2011-Submit apps to ALL nursing schools and see how it goes (app deadline is April)
So sketchy plan, yes, those schools are all in DIFFERENT towns. So I'd have to figure out WHERE I'd like to live.
Break down of locals:
Arkansas State University {in JOnesboro, Ar} Great town, close to my sister and bff and all other family.
University of Arkansas CC-FS {in Fort Smith, Ar} good program, my RN cousin lives there, it is 3 hrs from my sis and 2 hrs from my brother in OK, so perfectly between my siblings, could easily spend a weekend with either, but still 3 hrs from BFF :( No hang time on the porch swing with BFF if I lived that far away. And no surprise visits! I love surprise visits!
University of Arkansas CC-B {Batesville, Ar} cute town, same town as my ex so Konnor could see his dad OFTEN (if he doesn't act like an a-hole), close to my sister and not horribly far from my BFF for a day visit.
*Mom wants me to Consider* Oklahoma State University {Tulsa, Ok} where my big brother lives, know nothing about the town except he loves it, I'd be close to him and his wife and kids, and Mom thinks living near my brother would do me good. He's a great role model for me, I've always looked up to him!
Side note to self: If I live in any of those towns EXCEPT BATESVILLE I can keep my online writing job, major plus!
So those are my choices. None of those towns are horribly close to one another so it's not like I could pick a small town in between 2 of 'em and decide later, and I DO NOT DO small towns! Outgrew that a long time ago! :D
I figure if I'm applying in Jan to start in August, I need to move around January so I don't have to pay "out of state tuition" come August. That's just what I'm thinking. See how this is all like 6-12 mths away? I think way ahead, way way far ahead! So I hope I didn't bore you guys to death with this non-band related post. Just wanted to, briefly, share about S and possible new horizons for this Honey! :D
Food note: I ate super, skipped a meal, and had a monster. Drank 3 liters of water again. So I guess the day turns out pretty even. My weight was still 212 this am so no real loss from the last 4 hrs of cardio (this wk) but I had a lot of muscle soreness and we've all heard how that can make you retain water. So I'm praying I wake up tomorrow at 210 (too much to ask?) b/c the soreness is almost all gone. If I do or don't, I am comitting to 2-3 hrs in the gym tomorrow! (I'm officially 2 hrs behind on my weekly goal).
Still sad about S, wah wah! Apparently it's pretty easy for ME to fall for someone who's not even here in person :( Such is life little bunnies, I will continue to forge on and continue to love aimlessly!
xoxo,
Lizzybeth!
I say you should go for it Liz!! You never know what could happen!! You don't want to be stuck thinking the what ifs in life, you know what I mean?? If it doesn't work out, hey, least you tried!! It seems like Arkansas or Arizona, you have a great support system!! Do what feels right to you and go for it!! I wish you the best of luck Liz!! :)
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